It Keeps On Keeping On

I do believe Fibromyalgia is progressive in all ways - physically, mentally, emotionally - and this is why:

Some people will say that Fibromyalgia is not progressive because it does not actually harm or degenerate the body organs, bones, muscles or brain. I'm not so sure about that. There have been diseases in the past that were not understood, not even believed to be real. But over time, years and years, with tests, autopsy and medical research, those diseases or syndromes were not only found to be real but also to have done damage to the body and the brain.

There is so little known -factually- about Fibromyalgia at this stage that I believe it could be doing damage to our bodies/brain and quite possibly, science and the medical field have not yet caught up with that.

As I read through the posts on a Fibromyalgia forum that I subscribe to, what astounds me is how similar so many of our stories are. How our Fibromyalgia began, how it manifested itself. So many people say that the first inkling they had that something was wrong was an exhaustion that no amount of sleep helped. Many say that the first body part afflicted was their feet. Many of us say that over time, that pain spread from feet to every area of the body. And the pain became worse. Less good days, more bad ones.

I said to someone I love dearly, after sharing some of the posts from this thread - "If only the medical community, the SSI people, the non-believers of Fibromyalgia would read through some of this - they would have to see that this is very real, that something similar had to happen to all of us, something "broke" in each and every one of us."

When I was diagnosed three years ago, I had a lot of good days and some bad ones. The pain did not last as long on those bad days. The pain was not as excruciating as it is now. I was not so horribly exhausted. My mental faculties were not as scattered.

I have very -literally- been able to feel the progression of Fibromyalgia on every level.

I give kudus and respect to those people who have found ways to deal with Fibromyalgia. Whether that be medication, meditation, exercise, diet changes, alternative medicine, etc. However, I am not one of those people.

I tried Cymbalta, Savella and Lyrica - the big three. The side effects were awful. I quit using them because of it. Fibromyalgia is bad enough without adding those side effects to the life I have to live.

I have tried exercise. No, not boot camp programs or high powered aerobics. No spin classes or Zumba. Jillian Michaels can kiss my ass. But I have tried walking, stretching, low-key exercises. I'm sorry, but there are days, a lot of them, that I'm in so much pain, there is no way I am doing anything but laying in bed and stroking the bottles of pain killers & muscle relaxers while crooning - "My precious."

This is what I know for a fact about my life with Fibromyalgia: I am much sicker than when I was diagnosed. I do not feel well.. ever. Even my good days aren't that great. The pain is all over my body now and nearly constant. My short term memory is worse now. I forget more easily, more frequently. The exhaustion I feel is absolutely debilitating and also almost constant.

This is not a flare. I know what a flare is, I have them. Even as bad as the Fibromyalgia is for me as it has progressed, in a flare.. it gets worse.

I am fortunate because my Rheumatologist also believes that Fibromyalgia is progressive. He uses the term - "full blown" - and tells me that I am, at this point, full blown Fibromyalgia. What he means by that is.. there is a point where Fibromyalgia reaches a plateau, where it becomes extreme on a daily basis and stays that way consistently.

I don't mean for this post to be depressing. But, it is factual from my perspective. Like so many others with this disease, I have refused to give in, to give up.

But, here is further proof of progression: It is far harder to do the most basic things than it once was. I have to pick & choose, each day, what I can do. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, running errands, spending time with loved ones.

There are more days that I cannot do anything at all, as much as I truly want and even need to.

I am no longer in control - Fibromyalgia is, because it has progressed to the point that I have to work within the parameters it gives me every day of my life. I believe that's all any of us can do - accept the limitations, however mild or severe, and work within them.

Anyone that has a difficult time with or can no longer - receive a hug, pick up their child or grandchild, cook the most basic meal or even remember when they last ate, work to contribute to their family, gets lost on the way to the grocery store, or dreads running out of medications - knows that Fibromyalgia is, indeed, horrifically progressive and continues to change their lives every day.