How Much Time?

On the forums that I subscribe to, there was a post recently asking us to answer how much time we put into the following. These were my replies:

Thinking About What Do About The Condition - I put thought into how to live a better life with this. What can I still do with my loved ones that won't hurt as much or put me into a flare. I don't think about how to 'fix' myself physically very much. I know that it is.. what it is. I try to do some stretches in bed, keep motivated and make myself get up every day.

Reading About It - I read any new research that I come across. I read a lot here, what other people are trying or going through. That is a double edged sword though. While reading here educates me more than I can convey, it also depresses me at times. To see so much hurt and suffering on every level is hard. To read the stories from the young people who are newly diagnosed is just so sad to me.

Talking About It - I talk about it with Tony. He's the only one that I really share every moment of my journey with. Talking about being ill can be difficult for so many reasons and it's also tiring. Not great when I'm already worn out. If I'm going to take the time and use the energy to communicate my illness, it has to be with someone who is going to listen and really hear me. He does.

Doing Research - If I get a new diagnosis, I research like a mad woman. I researched fibro like crazy as well, when I was diagnosed. I -need- to be my own best advocate and I don't know a better way to do that than to educate myself. Now though, I have a solid grip on current illnesses and unless something new comes up, I don't research because mostly, it's more of the same.

Being On Support Forums - I do check in here daily. There's always a new thought or feeling from the folks here. Or, even if it's an old thought, something that has come up many times before, I still want to see how everyone is doing and try to reach out, if I can. All of that said, there are times where I have to step back from here because of what I said earlier - It makes me sad to see the suffering, I get depressed so I need to take some time to get past that.

Looking For Anything That Will Help - There is nothing that will help. That is only my opinion though. I medicate to take the edge off the pain but it doesn't make me pain free. I stretch to try and work the worst of the kinks out but the ache is still there. I sleep (when the insomnia allows it) and that gives me a little more energy to do things when I wake up. I make myself get out of bed each and every day because my greatest fear is that if I allow myself to stay in bed all day just one time, the next time will be easier and the time after that will be easier yet. I fear that downward spiral into being bed-ridden. I cannot allow that to become my life so the best thing I do for myself is get out of bed and make myself -live-.