I never want to invalidate anyone else's illness, injury or pain, however temporary or not. That said, I do have this type of response now and then. I never say it aloud and I chastise myself for thinking it at all but I believe it comes from a very normal and human need to be healthy, and jealousy when we know we won't be.
I try to remind myself that there are others who have it far worse than I do and to be grateful for the blessings. However, I also have to give myself permission to have those moments of anger, sorrow and yes, even self-pity. It's okay. It's necessary because we can't be strong all of the time. We need to express everything, even the ugly parts.
I admit, even if it's only here on my blog, that sometimes when people complain of a minor illness, I want to shake them and scream. I want to tell them they have no idea. That they know nothing, Jon Snow. I want to beg them to switch bodies or lives with me, even for one week, so I can remember what it feels like. I'll gladly take their cold or stomach flu for six days if I get just one that's free of pain.
The flip side of that coin is that whomever switched lives with me would have to live mine for a week. I know we may think that we would like those that do not believe or understand our disease to live with it for a week or even a day so they finally have some empathy and compassion. But, I don't think any of us could actually do it - knowingly inflict this upon another person. I couldn't. Not even for one day of freedom.
Fibromyalgia is a war with no end. Winning is only found in getting up each day to fight another battle.
That is exactly how I feel, I get depressed sometimes knowing that I will never get better. I try to be strong, but sometimes the pain gets the best of me. If you want you can check out my blog at jen-eralhealth.blogspot.com I enjoy reading your blog posts because it re-assures me that I am not alone.
ReplyDelete