I Like The Word Recluse

Okay, so I did this list of my favorite love story movies here on the blog and that took up a lot of time and space.  But, I enjoyed it and sometimes it's good to get away from the subject of chronic illness, which is, over all, what this blog is about.

While writing those much more fun posts over the past few weeks, there have been some developments with my health that I want to share.  Also, I've read some great blog posts in that time that I'd like to point my readers to.  And lastly, some research and studies that I've stumbled upon.  The next few posts will be about all of that stuff.

To start with, I thought I would share something that I told my Love recently and maybe some of you can relate as well:

Most of the time, I'm okay with what I can do now. I have a better handle on the limitations and I don't let them get me down like they did even months ago.  I've felt like, and even said - it's fortunate that I'm a homebody type of person and always have been. It's the one area where my personality actually meshes with having a disease that debilitates.

That said, there are times that I want to go and do things. I want to get out of the house and go shopping for a few hours, out to lunch or a movie.  Spend time with friends or family.  I want to breathe the air outside and smell which season it is.  I recently learned that I'm vitamin D deficient and I'm not even surprised since I rarely get out to feel the sun on my skin.

Learning to manage this life has been a struggle.  It's better now but I have my moments. I still push too hard at times.  More often though, I lay down, sit down, rest or say no, cut things shorter than I once would have, or I don't go.

I've tried to narrow my world into exactly who is most important to me, doing what means most to me, what makes me happy.. realizing that energy levels and pain play such a big part in my decision making now.

And I'm okay with that almost always.. but once in a while, that world seems to close in on me and I want to be a butterfly for a little while. Or now and then, I watch those I love and their wider world and I want to join them in it so much.