When You Dance, You're Charming

I love music. I mean - love it like it's raspberry cheesecake and red cowboy boots and a library of books all wrapped up into one big present for me.

When I was growing up, music always played in the background. From morning until night - no TV, just music on the radio. We changed the station frequently so what we listened to spanned rock, blues, country and everything in between.

I danced around the house more than I walked. And I sang.. not well, but it never stopped me from swaying, eyes closed while I passionately sang every word into a hair brush or the handle of a broom.

Music was and is, for me, a mood thing. I use it to change my mood, to amplify it, to numb it. Music takes me back to memories of my past. It makes a memory that I'm creating in the moment more vivid. Music is the soundtrack of my life.

In the last year, I've become much more sensitive to sensory stimuli - anything that affects sight, hearing, touch, taste or smell. I know this is a symptom of fibromyalgia. Just like I feel more pain than the normal person, I also smell things differently, see lights more brightly, can taste the smallest nuance of spice in a dish loaded with other ingredients. The sensation of cloth or water against my skin is heightened and I can hear the whisper of a sigh.

The problem with being hyper-aware of sensory stimuli is that it can hurt like physical pain does. That light is too bright and makes my eyes and head ache. That taste or smell is enough to make me retch. The spray of a shower can feel like needles on my skin. And my precious music, if the slightest bit too loud, becomes as grating as nails on a chalkboard.

But every now and then, my broken brain gives me a moment. That perfect moment when I'm the little girl lisping her favorite song, the shy teenager performing a concert while standing on her bed, the mother singing 'Ain't No Mountain High Enough' to her children - all of those memories and moments are right there with me and I'm the 42 year old woman with fibromyalgia; the music is loud, surrounding me and all I feel is joy as I sing along and dance again.